Boob Attack
by xoc13
Summary: Short, silly one-shot.
**Due to the craziness of having two jobs for the past several months, writing has been pretty scarce. I saw a meme about how** _ **Boobs**_ **are the solution for any and all occasions and it gave me the idea for this oneshot. It definitely got the writing juices flowing, so I'll get to working on my pending stories now.**

 **Disclaimer: The Plum universe belongs to JE.**

" _Mmm, boy!" Lula's whistle of appreciation didn't go unnoticed by the man passing us by. Instead of shooting an offended look our way, he smiled at Lula. "Bye, bye." She said, returning the man's enthusiastic grin._

" _Now that one's a looker!" Grandma Mazur broke the silence after several minutes. Pointing not so discretely, Grandma made us redirect our attention to an older man. If I had to guess, I'd say he was in his late fifties, early sixties. His hair was completely gray, but his attire was very modern. "What do you think?" Grandma asked to no one in particular._

 _Lula made a sound as if to say he was not her type._

" _He's got an 'I don't know what' about him." I shrugged, saying that the older man was handsome for his age. "Kinda looks like George Clooney."_

" _I guess." Lula mumbled, partially distracted by the mountain of frozen yogurt with the works in front of her. Summer is still several weeks away, but this unusual early heatwave has kept people out of trouble and so my bounty hunting days have been somewhat slow. "You knows what I've never had an answer to?" Lula's inquiry made us turn our attention her way._

" _What?" I made the grave mistake of asking._

" _Granny, you're from a different time." Lula went on to say that she's never met anyone with both Grandma's age and openness. "I bets you did lots of the nasty in your primetime years."_

 _Oh God!_

" _Of course!" Grandma agreed. "That's the key to a long, happy marriage." And then she went on to share with us her big secret. "The key is boobs."_

 _Lula was rendered speechless and that's not an easy task to accomplish. "Say what?"_

" _Yeah!" Grandma said they're magical. "They work great for any occasion. That's what they're for."_

 _I didn't want to interrupt Grandma to tell her that science would beg to differ, so I kept my mouth shut._

 _Grandma gave us her play: 'if he's happy, then show him the boobs'. Sad? Boobs. Basically, according to Grandma boobs are perfect for any and all occasions. They're magical._

I was startled awake by the sound of a grunt. Initially I was disoriented, unsure of where I was. After a quick scan of my surroundings, recognition sunk in. I was on the couch in Ranger's office. Passing a hand across my face in an attempt to wake up seemed to work and within seconds I was able to swing my legs over the side of the couch.

"How long was I out?" I asked as I stood to stretch. Best to get on my feet before I fall asleep again.

"About twenty minutes." Ranger answered distractedly, eyes glued to the computer screen in front of him.

"Mm'kay." Shaking my head at the absurd dream I just had during my short lived nap, I dragged myself towards his desk.

"Go to bed." Ranger instructed, eyes still focused on whatever was on his screen.

"What about you?"

"I'll be up in a few."

If I had his full attention, he would have caught my mega eye roll. That's what he told me the night before and the one before that. I understand that with Tank on leave and Rangeman's expansion there's a lot to get done, but Ranger seems to forget what delegation is for. He'd have worked himself to exhaustion by now without my constant _nagging_ for lack of a better word.

And as I watched him continue to work my absurd dream came back to mind.

 _Boobs!_

I wasn't completely aware that I'd gone ahead with the _boob attack_ until I shivered. Staring down at my chest, I caught the spread of tiny goosebumps across the tops of my breasts.

"Babe." His voice startled me.

I didn't need to look up in order to know that I now had his _full_ attention now. The heat of his stare is unmistakable. Deliberately, I readjusted first one breast and then the other. And I took my sweet time too. "It's been a looooong day." I used my best sweetly innocent tone as I made a move to put my T-shirt back on.

Before I even registered his movement, Ranger was standing before me. "Babe." My boob attack seemed to work. He was finally away from his desk. "Need help?" His voice was rough compared to the feather light touch of his fingertips on my waist.

"No. I'm just gonna go to bed like _you_ suggested." My best absentminded tone only served to snap Ranger into action.

"Babe." Within seconds he'd wrapped his strong arms around my middle, tightly pressing our bodies together in the process. "I know what you're doing."

"You do?" My lips brushed against his with the inquiry, which only caused the temperature between us to spike.

"Yes."

"Is it working?"

"You know it is."

"So,…" Before I could ask what he was waiting for, his lips met mine for a scorching kiss. As soon as our tongues tangled, I knew we weren't going to make it out of his office any time soon. Luckily, tonight's extended stay will have nothing to do with actual work.

As our kiss intensified and the need for air became a must, my hands fisted his T-shirt in an attempt to press our sexes impossibly closer. Just before I had the opportunity to slide my palms lower, Ranger forcefully pulled back and broke our sweet contact. Dizzy from our kiss and the sudden loss of his proximity, I tumbled back onto the couch. Breathing heavy, I grinned as I watched him yank his fitted tee over his head. Sucking in a breath at the stunning view of toned muscles covered by his signature mocha skin, I stretched myself along the length of the couch in invitation. Ranger's a smart man. Within seconds his heavy body was pressing me into the cushions as his lips met mine once again.

S&R

We all watched in silence as Bobby examined Beautiful's still form. Handing her latest scumbag skip over to Bones, I ambled closer to see if he needed any help. I was about to steps away when she bolted upright, rising to her feet with an impressive agility given she'd just had her brains scrambled pretty good when her idiot skip tackled her full force onto the pavement just minutes before.

To everyone's surprise, she yanked her girly T-shirt over her head as she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Boobs are magical!"

Silence reigned once again for several beats as everyone watched her standing before us in a very sexy red lace bra from Victoria's Secret and her ripped at the knee jeans.

"Boobs!" She yelled one last time before losing her balance. Thankfully, Bobby was right by her side to help steady her on the way down back to the ground.

"Damn, Bombshell's been spending too much time with Les." I heard Woody mutter somewhere behind me.

"Fuck you!" I grumbled at him as I spun around to face him. When I did I spotted a very pissed off looking Ranger headed our way. Of course I'd get thrown under the bus just as Ranger is showing up. "I _did not_ teach her that." I clarified as my cousin rushed past me. The only acknowledgement he gave me was a quick death look he shot me as he shrugged his suit jacket off.

"Babe." I heard him murmur to her as he draped his jacket around her shoulders, effectively covering up her chest from everyone's view.

As I ambled over to collect the reason for all this chaos, I mentally prepared myself for the punishment I'll have to endure for this. What sucks the most is that I'm completely innocent here. It was Woody's job to be her partner today. Not my fault some druggy skip outsmarted him and was able to knock out Beautiful. Bobby and I were on patrol nearby when Woody's call for backup came in.

Heck, I caught the son of a bitch before he could make a run for it and this is the thanks I get? So not cool!

"Hey, watch it!" Said son of a bitch yelled at me as I shoved him in the backseat of the SUV.

"Yeah, like you don't deserve it." I snarled at him before slamming the door closed.

"Boobs _are_ life, you know." I heard him mumbled as I angled into the driver's seat.

"Oh, shut up!" I shot him my best no nonsense glare through the rearview mirror as I pulled away from the curb.


End file.
